There are many things in life we can change and then again there are many things in life we can't. People always ask the question if you died today would you be happy with the life you have lived? ... I've been thinking a lot about that question lately and most definitly my answer would be no without question! The hardest part about that answer is I don't really know why or why not. I'm looking for things that I'm not sure even exist, I'm waiting for things to happen that I don't even know could happen but yet here I sit.

I went out and got a tattoo. Some people are against and some are for them. For me it was a personal decision. I didn't go out and get a tattoo because I was in "Vegas" or because I was "Drunk" or because someone else did. I went out and got one that means something to me. One that stands for what I need to believe in.

I have loved butterflies ever since I was little. My love of butterflies comes from watching an ugly caterpillar that no one would give a second look to, to its transformation with time and dedication, it became something marvelous to the human eye. Maybe it reminds me of myself. I've always viewed myself as the ugly caterpillar. Never truly fitting in wherever I went. So the butterfly means a new life, a new beginning after many years of trying to please everyone else by being someone I'm not.

The word "Believe" in its Greek heritage means to have faith, to trust in. To believe, as in faith is far different than simply to believe in something.

So with the butterfly in combination with the word "Believe" I have given myself something to believe in myself for. This day marks a lot in my life. It marks day of change. In the celebration of my grandfathers birthday, I am now resigned back up with Weight Watchers and the gym. I'm changing the way I think and act towards people. Some may think it's for the better, others may not think it fair...but it's who I need to be for me. I now believe in myself and the choices I make. I now believe in the goals I have to in order to succeed at being a better person. I have realized that I can't expect someone else to love me when I don't even love myself.