Loving someone you can't have...

How does it happen? When does it happen? How do you stop it? How do you handle it if you can't?

To love someone is a very real emotion. To love someone without full understanding why is worse. Loving someone without understanding while watching them live a life that doesn't include you is worse still...

I have no idea what to do to...none at all =(
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Blogger and Blackberry

Finally after a few months I have gotten my blackberry hooked up to my blog. Not that anyone really reads it but at least this way when I'm bored I have a place to write now.

There is so much going on right now in my head I wish I had an easy way to filter it all out...but that just takes time and patience I suppose. I just wish mostly that I could get a good nights sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go...I don't remember the last time I felt that way. It would probably help to get my meds back on track lol

Today I attended my great aunts memorial service and while it was long ... Very long there were some very nice things said and things learned. She always believed that the 2 words that needed to be remembered most in life were "stay close" and with that I will forever remember. I will stay close in the faith and how I choose to celebrate it and ill stay close to the memories of my relationship with her and the time I spent with her growing up. But most of all I will remember to stay close to my own heart. The one part of me that I have control over. The one part of me that I need to remember is mine and only I have the power to give or receive its contents...



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5 days of eating that of which can be grown or raised...Day 1

So Day 1 hasn't started off very good...

Update #1: 11:22am
I realized this morning that I need to get up a bit earlier or prepare before bed for this challenge...

I had a handful of M&Ms on my way out the door this morning - not a good way to start.
1/2 L of water so far which is what...16.9 fl oz? I'm really surprised I have any energy whatsoever at this point for my lack of a good hearty breakfast.

For lunch I plan on having a BLT but I only have white bread but I can't afford to not eat it so I will eat it and just try to limit my intake.

Tonight I also plan to work out a bit on my Wii and perhaps go for one of the Portland trail walks if the rain lets up a bit...

"God will never take me to what he can't take me through"

Loan Schedule to Pay Back for Disney Trip

Loan Schedule to Pay Back for Disney Trip

I know that I did this in reverse and I am starting to pay back when I'm going on my trip and after and not before...but well I did the best I could...Thankfully I have family that are there for me and help me out whenever they can! It's up to me to pay them back for everything now.

Total Owed to my mom for Trip $930.40

Payoff Schedule:

$930.40 August 2008 (10%) $93.04 PAID
$837.36 September 2008 (20%) $167.47 PAID
$669.89 October 2008 (30%) $200.97 PAID (February 13, 2009)
$468.92 November 2008 (40%) $187.57
$281.35 December 2008 (50%) $140.68
$140.68 January 2008 (100%) $140.68 PAID OFF!!!!